Planning a wedding is not without its share of drama. This is the part that even though you may hear about happening to other brides, grooms, etc., you may assume won’t happen to you, especially on the first weekend of your engagement. If you are anything like me, you might find that you are very wrong on this.
In the grand scheme of things, this was pretty minor, but it was still something that caused some family drama on our first weekend of being engaged and I think it should be acknowledged. After all, wedding planning isn’t all sunshine, roses and DIY projects that go wonderfully- the real world intervenes all the time.
In our very first weekend, a mere 24-48 hours after getting engaged (not sure of the exact time) we had somehow managed to offend both of our families. How did we do this? Talent I tell ya, lots and lots of talent. Or, to be more specific, my desire to ask my bridesmaid/MOH in a creative way (more on that here).
In my mind, it made perfect sense to wait a few days (or in my MOH’s case a couple weeks until we could visit her on her vacation on Martha’s Vineyard- thanks again for hosting us A!), to ask them in person and in a special way that I had been thinking of but hadn’t exactly finalized yet. Even though Mr. Fenway and I had discussed who “our people” would be before we got officially engaged, I hadn’t thought about what I wanted to do for each girl yet.
Both sets of parents were worried that their daughters were going to get overlooked. This is understandable, after all, we aren’t our parent’s only children and I can certainly see why they wanted to make sure that their other children weren’t slighted. I was not prepared for how immediate this reaction would be though. Even though I ALWAYS intended to ask both of our sisters, I didn’t realize that by not asking them right away I would cause so many issues. Mr. Fenway’s parents were worried that his sister would not be asked to be in the wedding. This was further complicated when he made some vague statements that neither confirmed nor denied that his sister would be in the wedding party. He did this at my request since I wanted to make the asking special. Eventually, he had to call his parents and tell them that I was always planning on asking his sister, but that I had wanted it to be a surprise. It all worked out, but I think everyone was a little stressed over the situation for a while. Similarly, my parents were concerned that even though I was home 24 hours after I was officially engaged, I had yet to ask my sister to be my Maid of Honor. They did not understand why I wanted to wait if I knew that I was going to ask and were concerned that my sister’s feelings might be hurt if I didn’t ask right away. While I understood their concern, I still wanted to do it my way. I hope that it was clearer why I waited after my explanation. I also tried to give some “hints” to my sister so she knew that it was coming before I officially asked.
In the end, it all worked out well, I think. I love that I got to give each girl something little to go along with my request for them to stand up by me for our big day. It was something that I had always wanted to do and I am glad I still got to do it, regardless of outside pressure to “just ask already” and “get it out of the way.” While I wish it could have happened without any stressful situations to us or our families, I think that it was good in a way. It helped Mr. Fenway and I to work together as a team to stand up for what we wanted to do. It also helped us to see that we could “do what we wanted” (within means of course) and stand up for our ideas even if our families might not fully support them. I am still very happy with how I asked each girl and I hope that they were too. That, I think, is all that matters.
Did you have any “drama” over asking your bridal party/groomsmen/etc.?